I have been writing to you all morning — through discomfort and grace. I made it to church and I often don’t make it to church.
I love being in community.
I do not like being squished shoulder to shoulder with people like on airplanes.
I love the choral music.
I can never keep track of where we are in the service.
I feel unabashedly loved by God and I am finally starting to understand Christ love in my heart.
I still believe in other paths to faith and love learning about and asking for support from Saraswati, the Hindu goddess of knowledge, music, art, learning and wisdom as well as Ganesh, remover of obstacles.
I believe in human rights which include trans rights and gay marriage as well as a women’s right to choose and control her own body.
I am friends with people who disagree with me on all of the above.
I feel pretty out of place sometimes sitting at church with mostly older wealthy white people.
I fail at listening to the readings and the gospel and forget what they are about immediately after they are shared.
I’m good at finding that sweet spot in the sermon which gives me something to hold as I exit.
I always need to use the bathroom partway through the service.
I get super bored, even during the good parts.
I stand up and sit down at the wrong times, every time.
I question why I go at all if I can’t be consistent.
I love, love, love getting down on my knees to pray after communion.
I almost always want to cry from joy and sorrow.
I am overwhelmed by the love of the Holy Spirit which I feel in community, in the music, in the readings that I can never remember.
I try to go to fellowship coffee hour and talk to people and then feel awkward and uncomfortable and pull an Irish goodbye.
And still, I love this church community. It is welcoming, well-organized and steeped in love and service.
I am sharing this because of the “yes, and” of life.
People will disappoint and hurt you. People will abandon you.
People will love you unconditionally.
Do you need people? Is it worth risking your heart?
Faith is messy.
Prayers are not guaranteed or warrantied.
The unseen is not visible and tangible and it is open to a level of doubt that belies its magic.
Community can be uncomfortable.
It is easier to believe.
It is easier not to believe.
You have nothing in common with the people who disagree with you.
You have everything in common with the people who disagree with you.
Do you need people? It is worth risking your heart?
Rage is holy.
Forgiveness is holy and hard.
Love is easy and impossibly difficult.
I am very close to NOT hitting publish on this blog post.
Do we need people? It is worth risking our hearts?
If you feel like giving up and giving in today, remember this:
I love you.
You have everything you need inside of you.
And that is divine.
You don’t have to believe what I believe. I don’t have to believe what you believe. And when in doubt, you can also call on Alvin or nature or whatever brings you comfort. Just, again, know that you are loved.
Beautiful comments from the heart and soul, Rebecca! There are all types of people as there are all types of places in the world. There are all types of beliefs; all types of faiths, just as there are many different hairstyles and styles of clothes. It’s what makes the world what it is–varied!! People may think differently than you do, but you accept them for who they are. We have to find our niche; that little spot that makes us feel comfortable, makes us feel loved. When we do, we cling to it and share that warm feeling with others. Know that I love you my spiritual friend!!❤❤❤
Oh Keron, your words are a salve to my heart! I am receiving your love my beautiful sister! Thank you for being in my life!!
You sound a lot like how I sounded before I found the Unitarian Universalist Church 😉 I don’t attend a church right now because I found other ways to connect to spirit and community… but I’ve always been interested in spirituality and religion. If you’re ever in the mood to explore, you might check out a UU church or read about their guiding principles.
Sending love your way, Rebecca! Peace… Jacqui
Jacqui Crocetta jacquicrocetta.com | 240.988.6200
I have always been curious about Unitarian as well! Thank you, Jacqui!
Hello my friend!!
Man! This post hit home.
My boyfriend took me and the kids to the museum ladt weekend. I was “heming” and “hawing” and yet when I gave in it was such a pleasure watching the kids walk through each exhibit. He wanted Neema to go to the Snake Park next door because she is suddenly so into snakes. This would be her chance to see them in the flesh and confirm her dedire to own one.
A sweet gesture. And I know I was resistant because of past dissappointments. The “what ifs” that have speaking “yes, ands” or worse, “yes, buts”
I can see myself pushing the boyfriend away sometimes. When we are hanging out it feels good and then, like you in church, I get bored or distracted… and yet, his and my love is one of the realistic kinds of love I’ve ever experiencef. We disagree, we are scarily honest and we both experience this raw vulnerability…and it is sometimes hard because we are clear we do not have to be together, we choose to be… every day at every moment.
My relationship with him has me choosing to walk and act in love and grace. No different from how I interact with my family and friends. Its like this part of my 40s has me not taking much shit from people and as a result, I’m careful with the connections.
Its been a rough few years of dissapointments and hurt. So, I do not blame myself. Im just aware. And thus choose if I engage or not. And like last weekend at the Museum, I am humbly grateful to those that meet me halfway.
Thank you again for your ppst. I love you.
Your vulnerability is your super power. Boy boredom is something for us, isn’t it? I am so touched by your response and that this post hit home and helped. I LOVE YOU FOREVAH!!!!
Thank you Rebecca, I am happy you posted this. It is exactly what I needed to hear today! Sending you love and appreciation.
Oh Diane, I’m thrilled to know that! I’m receiving your love and gratitude so, so happily!
Ok I’ll try to go Sunday. This is my experience at church I legit blamed it on my AD issues
Message from beginning to end perfect for my morning. Thank you!😘
I am so glad this touched your heart with perfect timing. Never ever pressure to go…just trust your beautiful intuition, my sister.