Author: rebeccainspiresnow

Bustin’ Loose

Posted by

6

Paris Soap
“Clutter is anything that’s preventing you from living out loud…the solution to your clutter is in the source of your clutter.” –Kerri Richardson, Intuitive Life and Business Strategist

I have been thinking about clutter—paper, digital and now, emotional and physical clutter.  I woke with a song in my head–“Bustin’ Loose” by Chuck Brown and the Soul Searchers. We’ve been cleaning things out at home and just the other night, my son reached into my sock drawer and pulled out this soap that I bought in Paris in 2005. Yes, I bought this soap eight years ago and haven’t used it.  Why? I think it’s because my grandmother used to put Maja soap in her “special drawers” to make her things smell good. I don’t know if it was socioeconomic, but the idea was, you never actually used that soap to wash yourself. It was too nice and expensive. I think I transferred that to my Paris soap. And while we are in confession mode, on the same day, my husband asked me if we could get rid of my Kitchen Aid mixer attachments, which I have had for 20 years and used once. I have used the mixer religiously since I bought it in 1993. Do you know that I somehow had an emotional attachment to those mixer accessories? Well, when I caught Kerri Richardson’s online radio appearance about her upcoming Clutter Clearing Video Course which starts this Thursday, October 3rd, I learned a ton. (Her course lasts 30 days and anyone can do it from anywhere, no matter your schedule).

First, she openly talked about her own “clutterbusting” on her journey to lose 61 pounds thus far. She blogs about how her extra layers were like soft and squishy armor and served as protection from feelings of vulnerability. In response to a caller who struggles with letting go of medical articles piled all over her house, Kerri referenced a client who did something similar, and when she dug a little deeper, she found that client kept the articles because it made her feel validated and smart. The flip side is that perhaps as a child, she wasn’t valued for her intelligence.

I know that some folks don’t like to delete emails if they have a boss that’s abusive and might turn around any day and try to question their work. Or perhaps you’ve experienced verbal, emotional or physical abuse and surround yourself with stuff as protection. Then there’s the person who keeps every ratty t-shirt for the last 30 years as totems to the spontaneous life that’s given way to stability and predictability.  Think about how much more time, mental and physical energy you might have if you let go.

I’m ready to let go of my mixer accessories. Upon reflection, besides the obvious fact that I don’t use them, I remember working hard to be able to afford a “good mixer” because I love to cook. And at one point in my life, I wanted to be a chef and restaurant owner. Letting go of those items doesn’t take away what I earned or my love of cooking.  It creates space in my house, in my head, in my heart. And it makes me want to sing, “I feel like bustin’ loose, give me the bridge y’all, give me the bridge y’all.” You know the rest, and if you don’t, click here to listen.  And also, think about Kerri Richardson’s Clutter Clearing Video course.  She’s a straight-talkin’ strategist who will get you where you need to be.

Who is on your personal board of directors?

Posted by

2

Image

I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.

–Mother Teresa

Maaaaaan, I know some people who are getting it in the gut right now.  Loved ones in the hospital.  Physical pain. Grief.  What can you do when you are stuck in the muck of stuff you can’t control?  Three words:

Ask. For. Help.

I remember several years ago arriving at National Airport, at one of my lowest, most exhausted points, and just crying as I waited for my luggage. I was under so much stress at the time. A friend picked me up and handed me this little plaque with the Mother Teresa quote above.  Ever since then, it sits on my desk every single day.

No matter if you believe in a higher power or not, you need your people. You need your personal board of directors. This same friend that met me at the airport, periodically, calls me “Madam Chairman” and asks for advice or simply calls to share the fact that all is well. We also have that “bruja” magical connection where one of us is thinking of the other, and the other knows.

Do you have a personal board of directors?

Knowing what to do comes from knowing who you are.  Sometimes, we need our circles, our tribes, to reflect the best parts of ourselves, to hold up hope when we have none, and to carry concern over worry. The latter is a nuance I recently relished from the empress of inspiration, Danielle LaPorte.

Do you have people whom you can call to share “here’s what” and they do not need fifteen minutes of context because they know your life? 

Even if you don’t talk all of the time, there’s a heart connection.

My board has never met all together. I receive and give one-on-one consults and referrals.  We rarely have long conversations unless we have planned time together.  Many of them do not live where I live.

Somehow, we stay connected. Through phone, text, Skype, handwritten letter (try one quickly before they become obsolete) and when circumstance strike, they are live and in person, over coffee, tea, wine, water, tears or luggage.

Love your people. Find your people. Ask for help.

 Image

Everything always works out for…you.

Posted by

8

Image

I have this cousin. We’ll call him David. And his sister, also my cousin, we’ll call her Kelly (pseudonym after my favorite Charlie’s Angel). So David has this saying, “Everything always works out for David.” So Kelly started her own saying, “Everything always works out for David’s sister, Kelly.”

You know another word for that saying?

Mantra.

Yup.

You might have a mantra and not know it.  One year ago, in my first blog post, I mentioned Jimmie. When I ask how he’s doing, he always says, “I’m good, I’m above dirt.” So that’s Jimmie’s mantra, it centers on giving thanks for being alive.

Recently I used that mantra on the teacher that began the year greeting us at the front door of my son’s school.  Everyday on glorious cool mornings, when I asked how she was doing, she launched into “I’ll be better when this heat it over.” Mind you, in that moment, there was no heat. It was a glorious cool Chicago morning. She brought that weight to the front door as child after child passed through it. So one day when she asked me first how I was doing, I answered her, “I’m good, I’m above dirt. That’s what matters, right?” She responded, “You got me there.” And when I exited the school three minutes later after dropping my son at his classroom door, she had shifted her response to folks, saying, she’s good, she’s above dirt. And she said it loudly, so I could hear her.  We gave each other a knowing smile. Hers said, “You called me out.” And mine said, “Yup.”

I have been practicing Sanskrit mantras to music for free (again) for the last ten days or so thanks to Deva Premal’s 21-day meditation series.  Sometimes I “get them” and sometimes I just do my best to listen and not chant because my morning brain-mouth connection is running on its lowest setting.

What’s your mantra? Do you think things will work out? One of my favorites (thanks to my friend Tindi) is:

“I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be at this moment.”

I used it again and again on Friday when I was delayed for eight hours at National Airport. Try it.

“I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be at this moment.”

One of my favorite writers, thinkers, life-changers is Danielle LaPorte. She just started a weekly prompt related to her book and multimedia tool, The Desire Map.  She writes about Kali, the goddess of transformation, destruction and transcendence. Translated, that’s some fierce love.  If you have a mantra that works for you, keep it up. If you don’t, or your mantra hinges on lament, anger, discomfort or self-pity, ask Kali to destroy that.  Remove it from your life. Burn it like that outside of a roasted marshmallow. Get to that soft, gooey, s’more-ready center.

Remember we are nearing the end of Self-Care September. If you haven’t already, pull out the fierce love. Be a peaceful warrior and know, “You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment” and “Everything always works out for…you.”

Morning Glory

Posted by

0

Image

Who is the morning you? Groggy? Hungry for caffeine? Ready to feed yourself, felines, canines or some other creature? In your ideal world, who would you be in the morning? Would you be energized? Grateful for being alive and above dirt? Remember childhood when you were ready to meet the world with a bowl of Lucky Charms and Saturday morning cartoons?

Your morning rituals can determine a lot of how your day goes. A friend of mine scoffed at me when I told her that the 15 minute yoga DVD she was doing in the morning would help her with stress during the day.  As a busy public high school teacher in Washington, DC, her response was, “Whatever, I’ll try it.” A few weeks later after an anthrax scare at her school, she called me and said, “You know! I think that yoga is working. I stayed totally calm today and just directed the kids out of the building.”

Or take my friend’s grandmother. As a special treat sometimes she puts circus peanuts in her coffee. You know those glorious orange marshmallow concoctions that melt in your mouth? I can just see her, peaceful and patient as the circus peanuts dissolve in her java.  I also imagine a playfulness and child dancing in her heart as she remembers loving circus peanuts as a young girl in North Carolina.

What might you do with an extra ten minutes in the morning? Yoga is not for everyone. I know that some friends have told me that they get bored. Though I would dare say that 10 minutes of breathing in the morning is for everyone.  Perhaps an index card next to your bed to write one thing for which you are thankful and an, “I declare this a day of productivity” or laughter or courage.  I have been meditating every morning for peace and joy in the hearts of my family and in the heart of my son’s first grade teacher so that this transition to a new grade can flow easily. One of my favorite morning rituals for months was that I would watch (parts of) movies before work since I don’t get that entertainment time much anymore—or at least I don’t pick the movies. I started a James Bond marathon at 6:30am and couldn’t have been happier.  It was my secret time.

Think about one thing you might do in the morning if you get up 10 minutes earlier.  Try it for a few days.  Even if it’s not every day.  Just try something. Keep it a secret. Or tell your friends.  Do something to be a creator of your day. You will see a new shape to the following 24 hours. Trust me.

Erasing Big Mistakes, Watering the Seeds, Naming Your Own Matilda

Posted by

12

IMG_1858
Have you ever felt regret at a choice you’ve made? Or anger at yourself for that relationship? Conversation? Purchase? Meal? Do you wish that you could erase that moment or decision? There are always lessons in those moments. Sometimes they are harder to swallow than others.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk and teacher, shows how the mind is like a field, where every kind of seed is planted–seeds of suffering, anger, happiness and peace. The quality of life depends on the quality of the seeds. By learning how to water seeds of joy and transform seeds of suffering, then you are creating space for understanding, love, and compassion to flower.

That sounds so good. But how do you do it? Here are a few of my favorite short meditations from his book, Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions

1. If positive seeds are watered in a person’s life, it is partly because of luck and partly because of effort.

2. Inside every one of us is a garden, and every practitioner has to go back to their garden and take care of it. Maybe in the past you left it untended for a long time. You should know exactly what is going on in your own garden, and try to put everything in order. Restore the beauty; restore the harmony in your garden. If it is well tended, many people will enjoy your garden.

3. Compassion is a beautiful flower born of understanding. When you get angry with someone, practice breathing in and out mindfully. Look deeply into the situation to see the true nature of your own and the other person’s suffering, and you will be liberated.

4. Mindfulness means to be present, to be aware of what is going on. The energy is very crucial for the practice. The energy of mindfulness is like a big brother or sister, holding a young one in her arms, taking good care of the suffering child, which is our anger, despair or jealousy.

So whether you want to think about any negative emotion as a seed in a garden or a sibling or even a baby, you can work to be compassionate toward yourself and others. One time, I read that those negative seeds, like garbage, could be turned into compost which helps to tend your healthy garden. This helped me to accept my negative feelings and not just push them down with thoughts of gratitude. Once someone shared this insight as well: resentment is like taking poison yourself, then expecting the other person to die. Whoa.

The other approach I have learned is to name your negative emotion, whether it’s anxiety, fear, jealousy, anger or depression. Mine is named Matilda. I actually like the name Matilda. When she pops up, she’s wearing a light blue house dress with white polka dots and big black men’s wingtips with white socks. When I’m under stress, I see her coming. She just wants to squat inside me like a toad and take over. So I can tell her, “I see you, Mattie, thanks for reminding me to stick up for myself. You know what, have a seat in this corner of my heart. I know you want to fight for me. Let me take a moment to figure out how handle this one.” I know that I’m taking a risk in inviting you to think of your heart as a garden or a host to any number of characters, but let’s face it, we have all kinds of thoughts and emotions running through us every day. Why not try something new to help you navigate when the waters get choppy, or the garden gets weedy or a lady in a blue polka dot house dress shows up?

Botticelli Belly

Posted by

2

Imagefor all the C-Section Mamas

I love my Botticelli Belly

one year ago

brought my treasure forth

nearly nine pounds

cut the strings that make me young

and gave me that jiggle

nowadays after he’s drunk with dairy love

he plays my tambor

blows raspberries

waits for my giggle guffaw

‘til the belly gives a bonus shake and wiggle

I wrote this after my son was born in an effort to appreciate my body at that exact moment. A friend told me recently that she was reading one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, who was writing about body image.  She decided to call her thighs “the aunties” and give them names.  She looked at them like the eccentric aunts whom you love, but maybe they are a little embarrassing sometimes.  I know that when I looked at my belly’s stretch marks during the time of this poem, I thought, these are race tracks, yes, race tracks of love. If you are interested in rethinking your body image, become a facebook fan of the Body Image Movement founded by Australian Taryn Brumfitt or check out her website. She had been doing amazing things in the world to radiate love.

In my previous post, I talked about Self-Care September.  We are almost there.  I invite you to pick something to do for yourself on a regular basis and practice it. For example, it took me months to watch this 10 minute video about 10 mindful minutes of daily meditation—trust me it’s like no other, the guy juggles and will make you feel like you can do it.  Since I started that daily 10 minute meditation nearly a year ago, my physical manifestations of stress have disappeared. Stress still occurs, yet my reaction is different.  And here’s the clincher: all you have to do is breathe.  You are already doing that.

Or maybe you are going to use September to make a year’s worth of doctor’s appointments for yourself.  Or maybe you want to go back to school, but can’t afford tuition right now. Why not finally master math, science or learn about the arts and humanities for free?  You can enroll in Khan Academy where this non-profit online learning resource led by MIT and Harvard graduate Sal Khan walks you through any number of concepts in 17-20 minutes.

Or take some time to dream about that vacation you want to take and actually make a savings plan, vision board, a declaration to go.

I believe in you.  You believe in you. Take September to start anew.

Self-Care September is Coming

Posted by

2

Image

Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.

–Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today, on the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington*, I invite you to forgive yourself. For it is only in forgiving yourself and then in loving yourself deeply, that you can radiate love and bring peace with every step you take, every single day.

Self-care September is coming. This is a month where we will practice the art of extreme self-care.  If you are scratching your head, that makes sense because I am declaring this for the first time. September is back-to-school season in the U.S. It’s a time when we can sharpen new pencils, our erasers are clean and notebooks are shiny and new.

If you have a chance to take care of 1-3 things about yourself, what would they be? Here are some ideas:

  1. Staying balanced, or as most folks like to say, managing stress
  2. Eating healthy foods
  3. Feeling good about your body
  4. Exercising, playing, dancing
  5. Learning that skill you have always wanted to learn
  6. Making time for the friends you rarely see
  7. Getting medical attention for all parts of you—body, heart, mind…and teeth!
  8. Remembering and nurturing your passions
  9. Cultivating your spiritual side
  10.  Managing your finances

If you are upset with yourself for putting on weight, overspending, letting yourself fall into the same pit of stress again and again, this is your chance to be kind and gentle with yourself—just the way you would be with a dear friend or a child.

One book that has helped me in the past is The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson. You can buy it here or view the first chapter here.  Don’t be turned off by the cover if self-help isn’t your thing.  What the book does well is create 12 opportunities for you to take care of yourself so that you can tackle one area each month—sometimes that can mean learning to say no or sometimes that can mean giving up control.

So, I’m inviting you to pick 1-3 areas to address during the month of September.  The list above is only for ideas.  Think about it and if you feel like declaring it to the world, add a comment on this post.  Or try writing it down in a journal. Or if you want to let me know privately so that you have some level of accountability, feel free to email me at rebeccainspiresnow@gmail.com –that way someone else knows about the exciting possibility of cultivating your power through forgiveness and self-love. I hope that you feel lighter already just thinking about letting go!

*If you would like to learn more about the U.S. civil rights movement on this momentous anniversary, visit one of my favorite organizations at: http://www.teachingforchange.org — there is even a mythbusters quiz.

Get on the Less Stress Bus

Posted by

4

Image

Have you ever wished for an escape from the stresses of everyday life? That you could just step into a world where you were greeted with a smile and the knowledge that for just a few minutes someone else was taking care of things?

Then get on the Less Stress Bus.  Annette is the driver. I was fortunate enough to ride her bus on the last day that she covered my route.  (Thank you, Universe!) She’s on another line now and I almost want to take that bus just to see her face and feel her energy. The morning that I met her I was nervous, anxious and excited about an upcoming meeting. I had a pile of no less than eleven transit cards, some with a balance of $6.00 and some with just 25 cents. Only fate knew, so when I mounted the bus, in my own version of Chicago Transit Authority Go Fish, I spread my cards and picked the third one.  And bam! I picked the one with $6.00! Annette gave me a, “Good morning and welcome to the Less Stress Bus.” She then offered to help me check the value of my cards. It took less than 60 seconds for that act of kindness and already my anxiety about the impending meeting decreased.

I had a chance to talk to Annette before getting off the bus and she said that she loved working with the public. She takes each day as a blessing. She has one of the most stressful jobs in Chicago: the traffic, the passengers, the lack of freedom in taking a break, and look at what she has created—the Less Stress Bus.

According to the Institute for Heart Math, the magnetic field generated by the heart is more than 5,000 times greater than the field generated by the brain.  Imagine the magnetic field and positive energy created by Annette’s heart.

Think about creating your own Less Stress Bus: at home, at work, on your daily walk. Think about your power to create. Try remaining present in the moment.  Even as you wash dishes, being grateful that you have food to make those dishes dirty. Bring that alertness to your daily life.  Watch your heart generate energy every day.  You have the power to choose your heart’s journey.

Image

A day late and a father short

Posted by

12

Image

Eat bread and salt and speak the truth.

–Russian Proverb

I know so many folks who grew up without a dad. Passed away from cancer or went to the store and never came back. Some kids limit their contact by choice. So what’s left? In some cases, it’s a mother playing the heavy and the nurturer. And today, with all the hullaballo around Lean In, roles are altered, women are often the primary breadwinner, men are doing more domestic tasks.

So what if you grew up without a father, or he was so-so, or he was a bad dad? Now you might be a father, where do you learn how to be a dad? Books? TV? How about the careful art of human observation? I’ve watched dads through the years too.  Dan, who stood by his daughter through every life transition. With every relocation, he was there lifting boxes, driving the moving truck. And his ears were always open. Or Miguel, father of four, navigating his artistic dreams while always keeping the kids out front, their education, their manners, their intellect, their sense of community. The last time we talked in person, he told me that the youngest is the only one who will hold his hand. How he misses that closeness as his kids tween and teen. Finding new connections as sons and daughters get older can be confusing.

I watch and admire my husband as he pulls lessons from his experience. He quietly watches the uncles, fathers of friends and even co-workers throughout his life. I’ve observed the communications among his friends. It’s subtle, not the direct talk of women, but they find those moments to share what works and what’s hard. They also share the joy of seeing those beings, those parts of them, grow before their eyes.

To all those men who choose fatherhood, who choose to be a dad, I say thank you. Thank you for teaching and learning. We need you.

Image