Befriending Self-Doubt and Caramel Popcorn Research

Dear Readers!

I am so happy to sit and visit with you in this moment. I’m currently working on my “inside outline” for my next book. As you may recall, it turns out that book two is actually an expanded version of The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderon: A Globetrotting Magical Mystery of Courage, Food & Friendship.

We’re talking epic quest, travel to Italy, an origin myth based in the Atlas Mountains of Morocco and more. For readers of my first novel, I think you’ll love the evolution of Selma, Hurley, Guadey and X. And good news, you had a glimpse of some secondary and tertiary characters including Clare and Pemba who now have enhanced roles and some wicked cool powers.

As usual, there is food, lots of food, including my intense research at Johnson’s Popcorn.

#SPOILERALERT

There is a new character whom you’ll adore. She is Hurley’s great grandmother—her name is GG. And there’s some A-Mazing TREE magic in this book. Some might say it’s a reason for me to shamelessly research trees, but I think you’ll especially love the chapter that I just turned into Barbara Boyd, my book coach based in Italy. I actually stayed with Barbara in 2017 when I was researching book 2. She lives in Belevedere Marittimo in Calabria. She is certified by Jennie Nash’s Author Accelerator book coach program. In fact, Jennie just released her Blueprint for a Book and I can attest to the fact that the tools make a world of difference when writing a book! You can learn more about Barbara on her site (she focuses on non-fiction authors) and in this fabulous interview on The Listen Podcast.

I was actually interviewed on the same podcast by Kate Jetmore about my experiences in East Africa. You can listen here. It was such a joy to talk with Kate and to go back to my time 20+ years ago in Kenya, Tanzania and Uganda. Much of my time there informed The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderon. I hope you enjoy our conversation. Kate is true to the title of her podcast. She deeply listens and asks informative questions.

And you’ll hear a “vintage” recording in my 20s with some fabulous Kenyan Women researchers, Soila and Katito Sayaliel and Norah Njaraini with elephants very close to our research vehicle. And you’ll hear this Philly girl who is a little scared!

I have a ton of resources which have been gamechangers for me in my #MysticAthlete quest. You can learn more about that in my What’s a Mystic Athlete section of my blog.

Before I share a few of my favorite resources, I want to pause to write to you about self-doubt.

I’ve been talking about it with my writing partner, Michelle Reynoso as she works on the 3rd installment of her trilogy. I’ve watched us both as we navigate working full-time, writing, momming, being a wife, a friend, daughter, sister, paying bills and cleaning our houses. And I will tell you that I get a C+ in the latter.

Anyhoo, self-doubt is a like any other foe—as my mother would say, it’s FULL OF SOUP. Here’s a sampling of what my self-doubt character has said to me:

“Why are you even toiling with this story? You already wrote one book. Why make it bigger? Is it really worth it to spend this time and energy on a book that…really HOW MANY people will actually read it? What’s the point?”

Have you ever had a voice like that come into your head? About work? Relationships? Your health? Guess what! I have a solution for you! If you’re a long-time reader of my blog, you’ll be familiar with my approach of giving that inner critic a whole persona so that you can converse with him or her. You can read about that process here. From SARK, I learned how to give those individuals a new job. Back in 2015 when my novel, The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderon: A Globetrotting Magical Mystery of Courage, Food & Friendship was published, I was only a few months into my lifelong dream of living at the beach in California (where I’m writing to you now!!) and within a few months had been reassigned (gratefully) to a newly formed department in my day job.

So you want to talk CHANGE. New job, new home on the other side of the country realized after 20 years and a book published that took 10 years to finish while writing, momming, healing and more.

In 2015, fear came up for me. And she and I had full conversations in which basically, I assured her that I was following my life’s calling and that she didn’t have to keep me safe with her caution and concerns (and freaked-out paranoia). Instead, I sent her out to screen test scary movies.

Now when self-doubt comes for a visit and wants to challenge the future of my novel on the big screen or on Netflix, I know that Selma’s story is bigger than I am. I know that any piece of doubt or discontent is so far apart from my right livelihood as an author that I am able to say hello to my self-doubt, have a conversation with it and even dance it away, or simply say thank you for the challenge and your efforts to keep me safe. I am here. I am writing and I am still showing up.

Do you have a similar inner critic that doubts your efforts at home or work? At your health? At your dreams? If you do, I encourage you to check out my resources section, especially the first one: Create Your Own Matilda, because WE NEED for you to pursue your dreams. They are a gift. Listen to the whispers. You want to run a 5K? A marathon? Write a poem? Cook a new dish? Create space for the love of your life…unknown until now or perhaps the person who sleeps next to you at night? How can you shift your perceived reality into that pulsing wish of your heart?

First, WRITE IT DOWN.

If you read my Secrets from the Olive Grove post, you’ll see a photo of a piece of construction paper which was on my fridge for 8+ years. And honestly, that dream was a much longer one in which I had simply planted the seeds of the idea of a happy family on the beach…in a journal with a photo of my family of origin in Ocean City, NJ and a post card from Santa Monica, CA. It was a broad wish that got more specific over the years.

At times, when I’ve felt afraid of wishing for what I’ve truly wanted, being able to eek out a tiny wish like “happy family at the beach” has been a giant leap of faith. Then, I have been able to get more specific and find a kind of joyous solace in at least knowing what I desire.

Moving to California to live by the beach – took close to fifteen years.

Writing a book – took ten years.

But what is time? Do we judge the amount of time as good or bad?

In truth, I had a journey of healing that needed to happen before calling forth the concrete reality of my life now.

I wished for a faith community here in my area that makes me feel at home. I joined an Episcopalian Church about 5 years ago in an affluent area near me. I didn’t think I would feel at home, but that pastor kept coming up in my “field”*, so I tried it. And low and behold, this community ended up supporting me through the fires and mudslides we had in 2017 and 2018 and also created a space where spirituality and communion can exist just minutes from my home. And check this out, I wasn’t raised Episcopalian.

Some other tools which have helped me thrive during a year of challenges, grief and joy are:

Building New Habits: Based on the work of BJ Fogg – the father of behaviorial design from Stanford University.

Optimal Health through Small Daily Actions: Dr. Rangan Chatterjee‘s Feel Better in Five is so simple and straightforward. If you take his advice, it’s likely that you’ll feel significant changes. His podcast, Feel Better, Live More has made the biggest impact on me. You might enjoy his interview with BJ Fogg on The Secrets to Creating Habits that Stick and episode 119 with Esther Perel on Relationships and How They Shape Us.

Living in My Zone of Genius and Creating Deathbed Markers: The Joy of Genius by Gay Hendricks is a slim little book that is the follow up to The Big Leap (which is available everywhere including on the free Hoopla library app). This book has helped me to reframe some of the most mundane and frustrating aspects of my life to uncover my best skills AND to spend more time doing what I love! One of the culminating exercises includes creating a list of deathbed markers–as in when I die, this will be. I have that list posted on my studio door and see it every day. It reminds me to focus on what matters most to me. It’s different than the bucket lists we hear about. It lights me up.

*I want to address the term “field” because it may seem a little ethereal. Here’s how I look at it: there are clues all around us. Synchronicities and magic. Today, I texted my friend from a resort (where I spontaneously spent the day) and then found a book in the lounge with his very unique name on the cover. And now, as I write to you, the people behind me just said his name. I can’t make this up—as great as my imagination works—this just happened.

That reminds me, I wrote a book blurb for a book called Leap to Wholeness. Many of you may not know this, but I NERD OUT on science…especially science that proves magic is real. Wait, what? The author, Sky Nelson-Isaacs, a physicist, does an amazing job of explaining the physics behind synchronicity — which you might call coincidence, in your daily life.

I encourage you to read it.

And speaking of reading, I adore the book When You Trap a Tiger by Tae Keller and I fell in love with Sal and Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Hernandez. I am currently reading the sequel, Sal and Gabi Fix the Universe.

Thank YOU for reading this post. I know that life is full for so many of you. And wanting to help yourselves and loved ones as well as those suffering in places like Afghanistan and Haiti can be overwhelming. I learned about organizations making a significant impact in Afghanistan through Valarie Kaur of The Revolutionary Love Project. She consulted a close friend who worked in Afghanistan for 15 years and suggeted three non-profits. I chose the Church World Service to help families get re-settled. She also recommended The International Refugee Assistance Project which is providing legal resources to refugees and No One Left Behind which is working to secure chartered flights and is the key organization helping to evacuate and resettle Afghans in the Special Immigration Visa (SIV) process. I am looking for credible non-profits helping the people of Haiti and welcome any suggestions.

Thank you for reading and loving and showing up. The world needs you! Look for everyday magic—it’s all around you. #cucalacas

Hugs,

Rebecca

Rebecca’s Magical Mondays #12 – Feed the Love

Greetings to the whole human race,

We’ve come to see each other again, haven’t we? We now deeply know what it is to break bread together side by side. And we are finding new pathways to nourishing community as well as reconnecting to mother nature. This week’s Magical Mondays is themed “Feed the Love” — just the way you feed sourdough starter. Let’s offer hope and take back our individual and collective power by supporting each other. 

Here are resources for this week:

  1. Chapters 2 + 3 Reading in the Woods of my novel The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderón: A Globetrotting Magical Mystery of Courage, Food & Friendship. As I write the sequel, it is important for me to go back and read my own book to make sure that I don’t confuse even the most minor details. So I figured, why not read it aloud to you? You can view the “live” reading of Chapter 1 here.

  2. Brené Brown’s new podcast Unlocking Us features a wonderful concept: FFTs – trust me and listen. It’s perfect for these times.
  3. Journey into the world of Jackie M. Wood, self-proclaimed messy painter: Jackie and I are in a monthly mastermind together which I co-facilitate. She offers some inspiring and affordable abstract mini art prints here.  I got to follow along with her recent cross-country trip via Instagram as she captured landscapes on her journey. Enjoy the gentle beauty of her work!

  4. Free Wellness Classes and Connections: Check out Creative Live’s Free Health and Wellness Classes here. Or join me every weekday with Ho’omalamalama Brown as she offers a 5-minute morning burst of exercise daily at 6:30am-ish PT to get you going. I don’t always catch them live but I do them when I wake up and it’s just the encouragement I need. You can sign up for more info here and then you’ll get the link to the private Facebook group where she streams every weekday.Then I move into my home yoga practice or have some fun with Tabata

  5. Music – Follow D-Nice and Quest Love on IG or YouTube for some amazing music during this time at home. Check out a glimpse here. Musicians like Nahko have also offered concerts where each view leads to a non-profit donation.
  6. Get Some Yummy + Support Small a Small Business: My favorite Italian Bakery in Chicago is Scafuri Bakery. I am thrilled to let you know that they are still shipping online orders of their amazing cookies and loaves. Get a discount with the code SMILE2020 for the rest of March. Pictured below is the Cuccidati, Pignoli and Chocolate Orange Ricotta Pound Cake Loaf. Say that last one fast three times with your mouth full of cake. I dare ya!
  7. Free Slow Food Live Webinars: Learn to Plant a Seed on Thursday, March 26 at 11am PT/2pm ET by registering here.You can register for the Zero Waste Minestrone webinar on March 27th at the same time here.
  8. Bethany Webster’s 3P Method: She is the world’s leading expert on The Mother Wound, author of the forthcoming book, Discovering the Inner Mother, and wrote a very helpful post called, “The Holy Simplicity of Sitting with Our Pain.” She also recently shared the following approach in her newsletter:

Here is a quick process to help you feel safer and less anxious during this time of uncertainty.

I call it the 3P Method:

Pause, Pivot, Provide tender holding.

1) Pause:

Stop in the moment and notice what is happening for your inner child. You may notice an underlying panicky feeling, a negative inner narrative, or a feeling of being trapped or unsafe.

2) Pivot:

After you pause, turn to the distressed inner child. Here you become the inner mother self, bringing a sincere, loving curiosity to her and what she’s feeling in the moment.

3) Provide tender holding:

How is the little one within you?

I invite you to consciously bring her or him lots of nurturing, reassurance, tenderness and gentle calm.

You can simply say:

“I’m here with you Little One. I can see you’re scared right now, which is natural and normal, given what you’ve been through. I’m here with you to keep you safe. All is well.”

Consider signing up for her newsletter if you like her work. She even offers a free e-book called What is the Mother Wound?

Okey dokey, I have more, but I’ll stop before Monday turns into Tuesday!  Here’s how you can help this week:

  1. Leave a note of encouragement outside a neighbor’s door.
  2. Stay hydrated with water and warm liquids.
  3. Try a new class online.
  4. Rest.
  5. Give yourself and everyone around you a break. Assume a well of good intentions as people navigate the new normal for now.

And remember, look for the magic in the everyday! There are clues everywhere!

Ideas on doing what’s most important to you – plus my birthday celebration!


Oh happy day! How are you doing?  The land here is filled with wildflowers. I have a quick heads-up about my awesome magical birthday:

Bottom line: The Kindle version of The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderón: A Globetrotting Magical Mystery of Courage, Food & Friendship will be $8 and you can order a signed copy from me for $8 (plus discounted $2 shipping in the U.S.)

**If you’re new to my book, check out this article in The Huffington Post. Or listen to the first few chapters here and here.  I also have a recent radio interview here and here. (Skip the first two minutes to get to the conversation.)**

Please share this with someone who may enjoy the book!

Here are the details:

8 is my lucky number. On April 18, my 48th Birthday, you can get an $8 Kindle copy here for 48 hours. You can order an $8 signed copy by emailing me at rebeccainspiresnow@gmail.com.

In the video below I:

1. Take you on a walk through the field above on my favorite trail by the Pacific Ocean;

2. Lean against a gorgeous tree and almost fall down, and offer my trademark snort;

3. And talk about our different roles in life and how to create the best environment to do what’s most important to you.

In that video, I promised you a nature video and that can be viewed here and below:

In other very exciting news, I finished the rough cut of my documentary from my stay at Drop Out on Orcas writer’s retreat! If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to write a book alone in the woods without cell or Internet, this film takes you through some very intimate moments of one of the most transformative experiences of my life. It even includes exciting preview scenes from the sequel to The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderon. Here’s the trailer:

If you want to be the first to see the rough cut, sign up for my newsletter at RebeccaVillarreal.com which will be coming soon! (I’ll only send out about 4-6 newsletters per year.)

In my video at the top of this post, I mentioned the short time management TED talk. It’s called “How to Gain Control of Your Free Time”. You can view it here:

Also, if you’re looking for a refresh on your approach to planning, I’m really enjoying the Panda Planner, which you can find here. You can start the planner at any point in the year. There’s a discount code you can use PANDAFAM at checkout for 10% off. (I don’t receive anything for sharing this–I just believe in the product!) You can learn more about the making of the planner (after its founder had a traumatic brain injury, he really went back to basics) in his welcome video. 

Thank you for cheering me on and supporting me in so many ways. Remember your magic, every day. Cucalacas!

Have a great rest of your day!

Some Sunshine for Your Week – radio recording, new poem & more!

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Hello Beautiful People!

It’s such a thrill to share the recording from my recent fun and inspiring interview on KCSB 91.9 FM with LP on her Writers Almanac West program. If you didn’t get a chance to listen, and you want a dose of inspiration and a break from the negative news cycle, click here to listen on Soundcloud and here to listen on Podmatic. Both are downloadable! (Note: Jump to the 2 minute mark to skip the intro reading of Paul Simon’s Sound of Silence.)

We talked about all of my favorite things: food, poetry (I read a new poem at the end!), my novel, The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderón and the plans for the sequel. We also talk about staying in love, faith and hope for all humanity. If you find yourself curious about the many resources and books I mention during the show, I’ve added links to just about every topic mentioned at the bottom of this post.

Also below is a short “Broadcast from the Beach” expressing my gratitude for your support. I recorded it for you right after I wrote the poem “Birdfight” in the previous post.

In the video, I mention a luxurious time binge-reading the poet Mary Oliver, at my friend’s house. Here’s a poem I wrote about that experience:

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On Reading Mary Oliver in Bed

I eat your poems

between bites of fig-filled cakes

or are they cookies?

forgetting to chew

because your words make me hungrier

for solace and weeping

for herons

suns

moose faces

and querying the soul

 

the chicory and hot milk

burn my throat

but I can’t stop devouring line

after line

fearful my gluttony

will spill on the white down comfortor

of my momentary retreat

 

how do you take a Sunday morning and make it urgent?

Volumes One and Two

and Felicity

again I want to be haunted by

all the space

on the page

your succinct seventy-seven year old

plunge into Cobb Creek

and your truth-telling of a girl raging

in dark corners

or the soul stolen from the blue Iris

I must go now,

for this pen is distracting

from my voracious consumption

If you’ve never read Oliver, here’s a link to some of her poems. There’s also a rare interview with her on the NPR program, On Being.

For those of you interested in writing or any other seemingly dreamy, yet filled with reality, kind of pursuit, this interview with the writer Cheryl Strayed was very inspiring to me. She’s so honest about the fact that she doesn’t write every day and also about her struggles with money. I have watched or listened to it at least 7 ½ times.

Links I mentioned in the Writer’s Almanac West radio interview

My website for The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderón: A Globetrotting Magical Mystery of Courage, Food & Friendship is rebeccavillarreal.com.  We have a page with links from the topics in the book and an area where you can sign up to receive the free Tribe and Family Book Club Guide via email. The book is available via Teaching For Change (they get 5% of net profits), Amazon, Independent Book Stores, iTunes and Barnes and Noble.

You can read and listen to the opening poem Bound here and The Slowdown—a parenting poem, here.

The Slow Food movement can be found here.

Those fish-shaped crackers and why they are not great to eat–more info can be found here. What I mentioned about the way wheat is treated with pesticides in the U.S. is covered here. And there’s more from Robyn O’Brien about the 2.6 Billion pounds of Monsanto’s Glysophate (which is linked to Cancer) sprayed on American farmlands.

CarrieHensley.com and info about her Sacred Sangha is here.

LindsayPera.com and The Mystic’s Society is here.

Brené Brown’s TED talks on vulnerability and shame are here and here.

There’s an NPR interview with Mario Martinez about his book The Mind Body Code and the concept of tribal shame here.

Whatever you do, try to find a way to watch Trevor Noah’s special “Afraid of the Dark” on Netflix. (Note: this is meant for adult audiences.) The official trailer is here.

One of my chosen teachers is the Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. The first book I was every exposed to by him is Living Buddha, Living Christ. I reference a number of his other books in “aisle 4” of this previous blog post.

Here’s the post where I did a round-up of all of my recorded meditations.

I mention my connection to Jennifer Lee’s Right-Brainers in Business and an interview she did with SARK. We talked about creating inner characters to help deal with uncomfortable emotions. Here’s a post I did about Matilda, one of my characters and another about My Noisy Neighbor, Fear.

I also mention Drop Out on Orcas by the poet, Jennifer Brennock which I’m not sure it exists in the same form, but just in case, here’s the site.

Well, my friends, that’s a wrap! I hope you’ve enjoyed hanging out with me. I’m sending you love and some delicious food and time in nature for this week! Nourish yourself, you deserve it!

Get Your Brave [Bot] On.

#weneeddiversebooks #bravebot #RebeccaVillarreal #cucalacas

Pick one thing!

Pick one thing!

Pick one thing!

It’s so hard, but I will try to focus on one tool that stuck with me from last week. I had a life-changing experience at The World Domination Summit (WDS). It’s taking every fiber of my being to share the energy in bits, because there was so much to take home for my mind, heart and soul.

WDS is the brainchild of author Chris Guillebeau. I can’t wait for his latest book, The Happiness of Pursuit, to to be released on September 9. Over the course of ten years, Chris has traveled to every single country in the world. After 9/11, he wanted to “do something.” So in time, he launched the World Domination Summit. He invited people to Portland to answer the question: “How do you live a remarkable life in a conventional world?” With the core values of adventure, service and community, I joined 3,000 people at WDS, now in its fourth year. Chris doesn’t take a salary for the event and though there are a few staff members, the summit wouldn’t exist without the corps of amazing volunteers who truly wanted to be there. I’ve never felt so much love and commitment to service in one room.

I will tell you that as a human vessel, I was moved more than I’ve ever been moved in my life. Don’t I look like I’m about to explode with joy? Dominate the world? I intentionally took plenty of time alone when not in sessions to come down off of the excitement and soul-moving stories and insights. If you like TED Talks, this was like TED on steroids while being surrounded by some of the most kind and interesting people from around the world. I met scientists, software designers, day traders, writers, artists, musicians and world leaders. And when I say world leaders, I mean ordinary people taking small and big steps every day to change the world.

World Domination Summit #WDS2014  Armosa Studios

(Photo credit: Armosa Studios)

So here’s my one thing I’ll share today: Gary Hirsh launched Bot Joy to help people feel brave. One eleven-year-old girl with diabetes used her Brave Bot to inject her arm with insulin before every meal. She’s gone through several bots because she rubs them again and again, wearing the paint off. The impetus for this project is based upon Gary’s childhood memories of waking up with nightmares of monsters. His dad encouraged him to draw and name the monsters during their 3:00am kitchen table sessions. Years later, Brave Bots were born. At WDS, Gary asked, “What’s one brave thing you’ve done?” Stop and think about it. Brave things can come in small packages. Your answers might surprise you. He also asked,

What’s one brave thing you want to do, but haven’t?”

One of my favorite answers (from Gary’s friend) was:

“Write a book. What if it sucks? What if I get lost in the middle and can’t find my way out? What if nobody cares? What if it’s not funny? What if it’s not smart? What if it’s not truthful? What if it is? (And which is worse?) What if my mom reads it and makes that pursed-lip face and then has no comment beyond pointing out a grammatical error on page 47?”

Okay folks, so here’s my brave thing I want to do but haven’t:

I am taking some time off from working on my novel, The Amazing Adventures of Selma Calderón, A Globetrotting Magical Mystery of Courage, Food and Friendship. I decided to move publication to 2015. And for the very driven Rebecca, this takes courage. I am choosing to slow down so I can stay healthy while working and enjoying life with family and friends. This is a brave step in staying whole.

Here’s the other brave part: at the top of this post, I’m hanging with my bot. And for the first time, I’ve unveiled the cover of my novel just for you, dear readers! Isn’t it beautiful? I love, love, love it! Alvaro Villanueva of Bookish Design created it.

This makes it real, folks. As if it wasn’t already.

So what’s one brave thing you want to do, but haven’t?

To experience more of Gary Hirsch’s presentation at WDS, click here.

To see my fellow WDSers activating their bots, click here.

To steal Gary’s idea and make your own bot (really, he wants to you to), click here.

Sending you love and bravery, every single day from me and my bot, Olympia. (I just named her that.)