Rebecca’s Birthday Blog Giveaway

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

Today is my birthday! I want to celebrate with gratitude! I have so much abundance thanks in part to you, dear readers. I’m giving away some of my favorite books and other goodies.

How can you qualify to win?

Easy: enter your email* at http://www.rebeccainspiresnow.com to become an email follower. Remember to check your inbox to confirm it!

You can increase your chances by sharing this via Facebook and twitter and encouraging your friends to follow via email. Just let me know at rebeccainspiresnow@gmail.com which friends joined.

We’ll do the drawing late night on May 1. Thanks for sharing!

Sample Post or Tweet: Get inspired! Win some amazing books. Follow Rebecca Villarreal at rebeccainspiresnow.com

[Style note: My fabulous hat is from Katherine Carey Millinery, http://www.katherinecarey.com. She’s the most amazing milliner for men and women. Treat yourself to art for your head. Food note: This video was shot at Davanti Enoteca in Chicago, IL, check them out at http://www.davantichicago.com. Always delish.]

*Current email followers will be entered to win. In the case of a winner outside of the U.S., you’ll receive some books in e-book format.

Powerful or Powerless?

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

“One of the best gifts to give a friend is freedom.”
–James Martin, S.J.

Do you ever wish for freedom from caring about things or from caring about certain people? I’ve learned some very powerful lessons about attachment in the last couple of years. Have you seen someone you love in a frightful act of self-sabotage? And you want to fix him or her? That’s attachment.

Offering help and knowing it’s that person’s choice to take or leave your advice, that’s called detachment. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care, detachment can actually manifest as a powerful act of love.

I have a friend who is an absolute expert at emotionally compartmentalizing people and events. At times I’ve watched him do this to protect his heart. Now though, I see how he uses it to spend his energy on the individuals, causes and moments most important to him. I feel like he has taught me by example. And now, I’m practicing.

You may recall that on December 31^st, I created a video invitation to forget resolutions and give yourself a monthly gift. Just pick one word per month, write it on an index card and put each one in a sealed envelope. Last month, my word was TRUST. I watched how that word showed up all month. And it continues to remind me to trust that I’m on the right path, even when I’m feeling pain, it’s part of a formula that gets me to joy.

I opened this month’s envelope on April 2nd and it was POWERFUL. I love that word. Today, I read this excerpt below and it truly made me think about power:

“Admitting powerlessness is not something we love to do and yet, it is the cornerstone of the healing path of recovery. To admit one’s powerlessness is to understand one’s place in the world. For example, we are powerless over the actions of others. We cannot control other people. Simply understanding this can literally change the course of our life. I struggled for many years trying to “fix” my father. He was very sick and was making poor choices. It hurt me to see his pain and to watch the results of his poor choices right in front of my eyes. Truth be told, I became annoying to my father by trying to change him. He needed acceptance and unconditional love, but it was very difficult for me to give these to him. When he died, I thought to myself, ‘Wow, I’ve expended all this effort trying to make my dad better. It strained our relationship and he has still died, sick and unhappy.’ That was a hard lesson for me to learn in recovery, but it has been one of the most important of my life.  There is an amazing power in admitting one’s powerlessness. It is counter-intuitive, which is why our logical thinking gets in the way. On your path, you will hopefully come to learn many ways that you are powerful. You will be blessed indeed not to forget the places where you are powerless.” –Tommy Rosen*, Addiction Recovery Expert & Yoga Teacher

Are you saying “wow”? Because I sure did!

So here’s my takeaway, I can be powerfully powerless. I can detach. And in so doing, I am free. This has allowed me to experience an incredible sense of joy, even in the face of some recent conflicts, that have nothing to do with me. I just watched them occur without any emotional attachment to the words and energy emanating from those creating conflict. This state of being is also possible when you perceive stresses, dramas and tensions are connected to you. While you may have obligations to take actions to move forward through those moments (at work, with family, in traffic), you are powerless in terms of controlling them, so why carry all of the emotional garbage that piles up? Why not let it fall in a dumpster, stay detached and put your power in what you can affect: your own reaction, your own heart.

Here’s one more nugget that helped me to understand the dance of being simultaneously detached, powerful and powerless:

In some of the most painful moments in the lives of friends and families—illness, divorce, death, worries about their children, financial problems—we usually cannot work miracles…Paradoxically, admitting your own powerlessness can free you from the need to fix everything and allow us to be truly present for the other person and to listen…This is when we are called not to do, but to be.”

–James Martin, S.J., The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything

Rock on my friends, flow and just be. It’s much easier.

*Tommy Rosen is a yoga teacher and addiction recovery expert who has spent the last two decades immersed in yoga, recovery and wellness. He holds advanced certifications in both Hatha and Kundalini Yoga and has 20 years of recovery from acute drug addiction. You can register for Tommy’s free online conference “Recovery 2.0 Beyond Addiction” May 3-7, 2014 through: http://recovery2point0.com.

With thanks to http://www.entheos.com for sharing Rosen’s work.

As we forgive those…

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

You have so much power. You have the power to choose what you eat, how you exercise your body, and how and who you forgive, even if it’s yourself. Bear with me, I’m going to give you something so light, you’ll be breathing easier at the end of this post.

I went to confession this past Sunday. As you know from a past post on faith and boredom and another on divine noticing, I’m re-examining or reviving my spirituality. It’s been completely organic. I’m a bit unplugged about it intellectually at times, but it seems my spirit’s plugged in, even if I don’t always understand it in my mind.

That context is to tell you I seem to have completely forgotten things about religion. Like Catholics go to confession during Lent. It makes sense that the 40 days and nights prior to Easter, a time of rebirth and celebration, we would ask for forgiveness and absolution from our sins.

Lots of folks through the years have said to me in jest [somewhat], “Oh, you Catholics have it easy. You sin, then you go to confession and you get a fresh start.” Catholics, however, layer guilt like a yogurt parfait: one layer of forgiveness, a layer of residual guilt for the sin, a layer of Hail Mary in an act of contrition and so on. If you have never been to confession, it’s basically a chance, usually face-to-face these days, to speak to a priest. You tell him, “Bless me father, for I have sinned, it’s been x number of days since my last confession.” Then I think from my childhood days, you list the commandments you’ve broken. Since I’m not exactly on my game with all of the rules, I remembered the opening and then just honestly shared my struggles. I talked about the areas of my life where I’ve fallen. I asked for help—that is an incredible power. I asked for help to forgive. I know confessions are private. However, I’ve been woken at 5:00am to write to you, so I believe that I’m called to share this part of my confession. The priest was a little old school, yet firmly sitting in true Buddhist compassion for me. I could feel it. He said some wonderful things in response that were not perfunctory. And then he instructed me to say three prayers, one of which I didn’t know, so he gave me a pass on that one.

I went to the front of the church (this is after mass) and pulled a kneeler up to a saint’s statue. It was Saint Martin. Above him was St. Joseph and next to him was St. Cabrini, a woman. I was verklempt and crying quietly in this truly cleansing way. Then my mind took over and I started wondering about St. Martin and St. Cabrini. My cousin works at Cabrini College and that was my main mental reference. I didn’t even know there was a St. Cabrini. Then I started thinking about how saints are like the superheroes of the Catholic Church. I spend quite a bit of time now learning about Marvel and DC Comics superheroes and villains. I thought about how I need to research some of these saints. I bet they have cool powers. My tears had stopped during this mental adventure.

And then I remembered I just went to confession. I remembered that I had an assignment. So I began with a speedy rhythm to recite the “Our Father.” That prayer is one of the coolest during mass because we all link hands across the church and sing it. I can truly feel superpowers when linked with others in this prayer. It’s like grace-on-demand. So I’m in the midst of this prayer and I get to:

Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

And then I said, “Holy smoke!” and started crying again. I think I felt that prayer for the first time in my life. I glimpsed in my soul the idea that I truly want to be forgiven. And then [this is the holy smoke part], I want to be forgiven so much, the same way, that I want to forgive those who have trespassed against me.

Do you feel me?

I was astounded at the idea of true forgiveness and absolution. I felt lighter. I felt cleaner, clearer. What if I let go of all of these feelings? What if I forgave everyone who has hurt me in my whole entire life? What if I let go of the pain in my shoulder blade, the thoughts that drill in my head about people who have let me down. What if I applied that same compassion to myself in feeling all of that toward those whom I perceive have injured me in some way? What if I let go of the guilt? What if I dumped that yogurt parfait in the trash and started all over again?

What if I make a fresh dish in the kitchen of my soul? What would it look like? What are the ingredients to feel fresh and light?

My friends, you do not have to be Catholic or go to confession to lighten your load. Ask for help. Ask for forgiveness. Forgive those who have made the most egregious errors against you. Write it down. Keep it in a journal. Or use a piece of paper. Throw it away. Burn it if it makes you feel better.

Do you want to see how this manifests? I finished my prayers, my acts of contrition. I had received a text during mass which I could not open. And truthfully, I only check my phone during mass for family emergencies. I tried to check the text on the way out, but my old simple phone doesn’t always unlock. I pressed and pressed the button as I left the foyer. It didn’t open until I stepped outside into the sunlight.

I had received an apology text from a family member.

Again I say, “Wow.”

I wrote back, “I forgive you, Sweetness.”

Try it. Say it. I forgive you. Even if the you, is YOU. Taste the sweetness. It’s delicious. I promise.

Dancing with DNF

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

You are so going to thank me for this one. You’ll feel better about all those DNF projects, all those DNF relationships all those DNF diets.

What is DNF?

Did Not Finish.

It’s my “time” for the Chicago Marathon. In 2011, I trained for months running along the Chicago lakefront. Then I injured my knee. I was blessed with one of the best physical therapists in the city and learned so much about taking care of myself. I asked him, “Can I just go to the race and run for 10 minutes?”

I had my heart set on at least starting the marathon.

He answered, “Sure, you can run for as long as you feel good.”

I ran for 14 miles. So I did the Chicago half marathon. I only had a babysitter for three hours and I needed six hours to complete the marathon. (Yes, I chose to start in the last corral.) Just as I neared my neighborhood, I turned off of the course and ran home. The photo below was shot on my balcony, sweaty and full of joy for trying.

Have you finished every project that you’ve ever started? How about high school or college? How about marriage? Children? A business venture? Did you have plans that ended in DNF?

DNF is way better than DNS –- Did Not Start.

Recently, on a sad morning, I was speaking to Amheric, a member of my personal board of directors and an accomplished marathoner. Towards the end of the conversation, when I was feeling better, I mentioned that I had been contemplating the benefits of DNF. I’m paraphrasing his response below:

So much of life is just an illusion made up of our thoughts. As far as I’m concerned, you’re only DNF when you’re dead.”

Whoa. That’s some good stuff!

So my friends, I’m going to give you some gifts that will get you to your good place. They will help you to start what’s most important to you. I have personally tested past versions of each one of these FREE resources.

1. Start a “stop doing” list to help you focus on what’s important. Here’s a helpful guide in a vintage blog post from Danielle LaPorte (check out her hyperlinks throughout as there’s an excellent article by Jim Collins, author of Good to Great.) Her book, The Fire Starter Sessions is now out in paperback ($15 or less) and can be a very helpful traveling partner if you are figuring out what to start and stop in your personal and professional life—it’s great for entrepreneurs. There are also lots of free resources online related to the book. Here’s a PDF of a workbook to accompany The Fire Starter Sessions as well as short “Circle of Fire” videos to guide you along the way. Try the free stuff to see if it resonates with you.

2. Attend the Right-Brainers in Business Video Summit. Mark your calendar, April 7-18, for one of my favorite virtual events of the year! Wait! You’ve never attended a video summit? It’s a wonderful event because you can do it on your own time. Here’s the deal: Jennifer Lee, author of the brand new book Building Your Business the Right-Brain Way is a brilliant creative who generously shares interviews with successful entrepreneurs. You can watch them live or in their recorded version during the week of the summit. I won a scholarship last year to join her post-summit Premium Group and it changed my life. I gained authentic connections to people who inspire me to pursue my dreams and take real action steps to fulfill them. Sign up for the free summit here. Even if you can’t view every speaker, give yourself this gift or at least share it with someone you love. You do not need to consider yourself creative in order to enjoy this. There are lots of “left-brained” folks who participate.

3. Sign up for the free 21-Day Mediation on tapping into flow in your life with Deepak Chopra and Oprah starting on April 14^th. I have participated in two of these free meditations and they have served as anchors and personal training sessions for my busy, busy mind. Tapping into your flow gets you to a point where things work and when they don’t, you surrender and stay calm. It’s like when you hit a green light intersection after intersection. Or when you have to wait in line and learn to just chill. That’s tapping into your flow. It’s not complicated. Once you sign up, you’ll be sent an email every day with a guided meditation. I generally meditate in the morning. It takes about 15 minutes. And don’t stress if you read this late or you can’t do all of the mediations. It works if you are slightly undisciplined as well as if you participate rigorously. You can’t beat that kind of flexibility! Sign up here.

Raise a glass to all the times you DNF’d. It means you tried.

Sending you love, courage and a calendar. Pick some dates to take action on something important to you today!

Miracle at Monroe

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

In the middle of this week, my mind was so cluttered with lists, receipts, obligations, excitement, creativity and confusion, I felt as if I couldn’t see straight. I had a [self-imposed] deadline for an article at work, expense reports, family commitments and plain old life stuff. That morning, I sat in quiet and asked for help. I realized that I craved music and planned to listen to flamenco at work. Those sounds always stir my soul and creativity. I began an archeological dig, starting with my purse. I found expense report receipts along with a wider glimpse of mental clarity. I packed a backpack with my wallet, lunch and tossed in a stray dollar at the last minute. I took the “L” to Monroe station. Upon arrival, Christopher Pinot greeted me with his acoustic guitar. Smiling, I told myself to listen intently on the way out. Then I remembered that dollar and decided it was meant for him. So I walked away from the stairs and back to the music. And then I found rapture. Miracle. Belief that what I asked for came to me, live.

Listen and watch, for two minutes and twenty-nine seconds how Christopher brings light. His mastery, not only of the music, but of his environment is astounding. Like an athlete, his has a deft agility in reacting to his surroundings. His sweet, sweet music stirs your soul ’til you’re lifted into the whirl of his dervish.

I thanked him for sharing his immense talent and for choosing to show up in the world the way he does.

I thank YOU for sharing this moment with me.

Ask every day, my friend. Unclutter your thoughts. Make your lists. Open your eyes to the signs. The loose dollar. The quiet contentment. The 2:29 spurts. This is your life. You can find art and peace everywhere. You can make them with every breath.

Listen

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for Spring In the darkness of your undoing lies courier a font tramped upon typewriters in formation purple pen spirals a song your sanity unwound write smaller think bigger feel the life of every letter as it tattoos line after … Continue reading →

The Pulsating YES meets the Dabbler

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

5 Life-Saving Tips for Your Body and the Promise of 4-Pepper Posole

It’s a new month! Wahoo! We have a chance to renew. My friend Amheric’s mom takes every new month as a chance for a fresh start. Who needs January when you have March? That’s why I gave him the video poem New Month for his birthday. It’s a chance to shed your soulskin and start fresh.

Do you ever feel like you’re walking on air? Everything is flowing? Yes? I call that the “pulsating yes.” Like when I went to file some paperwork with city hall and there was no line, people were helpful and I received the answers that I wanted and needed. I think though, that they felt me bouncing in, they felt my pulsating yes and were happy to receive it. When I walked in, the energy emanating in the office seemed tired from being stuck inside a government building during the second Polar Vortex in Chicago.

Sometimes, we can feel both ways in one day. One moment we are floating with grace and another moment we are crawling on the office carpet sucking in the recycled air and slurping down caffeine.

Today’s tips focus on the body. I have a slew of other resources for mind and spirit for another day. Here’s my advice: pick one thing to explore, then stick your toe in and dabble.

As you scroll on your phone, computer or iPad, find what grabs you.

The whole point of the art of dabbling is to try something new. (If you want to try more than one, go for it!) The idea though, is not to overwhelm you with hyperlinks and pressures to change your diet or world view, but instead, to know that these resources can serve as an anchor or reference when you want or need them.

1. Find thirty minutes a day, three to five times per week to move your body. My friend invited me to join her for February and March to be active this way for six days per week. I committed to five days per week and it’s revolutionized my body and my mental state. Think about it: three ten minute spurts of squats, or abdominal exercises, dancing, yoga, walking. That’s 150 minutes for your health over the course of an entire week. Start with three or four days. It’s just not that big of a deal. Some days, I’ve created an obstacle course in my hallway and jumped around with my son. Other days, I got off the train early and walked a longer route home. Here’s a 7-minute workout from the New York Times that is being used by a very busy public school teacher friend of mine.

2. The Evolution of Juice: You may be hearing lots about green juice. Folks are posting pictures on Facebook and juice bars are popping up all over. When I first tried juicing a few years ago, the only juice I liked was carrot apple. All of the other recipes that I invented tasted like garbage. I’m not being sarcastic. Fast forward to three weeks ago. I’ve been juicing when I can, usually in the morning (wash a bowl of veggies the night before) or in the evening (frequent alternative to wine—which I still enjoy). I have never felt so good in my entire life. I already thought I felt fine. Now I have more energy than ever. I am sleeping better and get this, I am somehow more patient and kind. Is it the juice? Or that I’m consuming slightly less caffeine because I no longer have giant drops in energy. I’ve been tracking Kris Carr’s work. She just posted this 3 minute video about how to make a green juice. She was diagnosed 11 years ago with an inoperable stage IV cancer and revolutionized her approach to eating. Ten years in, her tumors are shrinking and she has a vibrant life and business. This video which is 4 minutes and 49 seconds long shares the story of her healing. It’s heartening if you have cancer or know someone that does. It made me want to think about juicing. I’ve used Kris Carr’s work as an inspiration and started sampling by Googling juicing recipes with whatever ingredients were in my fridge. Consider subscribing to Kris’ emails or follow her on Facebook. And to get started, this is my favorite easy one page website that I found through Google thanks to Seattle Squeeze. I also like that there are pictures of vegetables and fruit which you can scroll over and learn about each one’s health benefits. Three tips within this tip: A) Try to only use one fruit ingredient with the veggies so you don’t overdo the sugar and experience that high, then energy drop; B) Keep Eating. Toss a few nuts or other source of protein in your mouth at some point. Healthy carbs are fine too; C) The Breville Juice Fountain has worked well for me.

If you are what you eat, why not eat awesome? –Paul Jarvis

3. Keep the Yoga Mat out of Your Food. Subway was using a dough conditioner in their bread that is illegal in Singapore and should be illegal here. According to the Forbes article titled: “What is the Yoga Mat Chemical and Why is it in Your Food?” it’s also used in products at Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts, McDonald’s, Marie Calendar’s and more. The point of this tip is to educate yourself about what goes into your mouth. It’s not to get preachy, it’s just an invitation to pay attention. I am passionate about food: cooking it, writing about it and eating it. I like to eat foods that are actually food, not something created in a laboratory. There’s a chemical in Pepperidge Farm Goldfish which has been designed to trigger your brain to eat more. (Reminds me a wee bit of Dollhouse, for all you Joss Whedon fans.) Where to begin? Two people (with very different styles) are blazing a trail of truth and holding corporations and the government accountable. One is Vani Hari a.k.a. Food Babe. I recommend subscribing to her mailing list or following her on Facebook. She just shared a helpful guide to the healthiest breads on the market. The other is Robyn O’Brien. Again, think about checking out her website and Facebook page. The point of learning about this and taking action, whether it’s buying something without harmful chemicals or tweeting a politician, is that we are actually changing the marketplace by creating a demand for healthy foods. The same foods by the same companies in Western Europe do not contain chemicals. Are we special in the U.S. that we’ve been gifted this option? The week that Food Babe released an investigation of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese (yes, I grew up on the blue box too), profits went up by 14% for the company that makes Annie’s Macaroni & Cheese, a healthy alternative to Kraft. You have power over your body, and influence on the health of your family and, even the future of our the planet starting with your grocery list. If you don’t know where to start, you can try this healthy pantry makeover or think about purchasing Paul Jarvis’ gorgeous e-book Eat Awesome for whatever amount of money you’d like. You set the price. I paid $8.88 because it’s my lucky number. You can pay less or more. It’s your choice!

4. Drink bottled water in moderation. We all drink it. It’s worth considering using a Brita filter when you think that a recent study reported by Fox News found nearly 25,000 chemicals in bottled water. Here’s a highlight: “Good hydration is important, and sometimes, there aren’t other options. As a healthy adult, the occasional sip from the “toxic fountain” of bottled water won’t kill you. However, small children, women of child-bearing age, and pregnant women are at greater risk of poor outcomes when exposed to these chemicals. Effects can include stunted growth, early puberty, premature birth, infertility and early menopause – just to name a few. The remaining population should still exercise caution, as more and more research is discovering that these chemical can also trigger diabetes, heart disease and certain types of cancer.” If you choose bottled water because it’s healthy, check out these 7 Myths busted.

5. Try one week of freedom. I love cheese. I love milk. I love bread. I love meat. I’ve been toying with a week without dairy, then another week I try to reduce my gluten intake. Another week I’ve focused on other forms of protein than meat. I watch how my body reacts. And then I adjust. I’ve been shocked to see how much better I feel by reducing dairy. I’m not anti-dairy. I love Greek yogurt, I worship at the feet of Manchego and milk in my coffee is a no-brainer. This Debunking Dairy article was the first one that I read that made want to test the idea of reducing the amount of dairy I consume. I took a break and made my own almond milk and was fine. (Take one cup of almonds, two cups of water and soak for 1-2 days, dump in a blender with 1 optional teaspoon of vanilla extract and strain. Drink within a couple of days.) In my exploration of a gluten-free life, I made a gluten-free 4-Pepper Posole yesterday. By coincidence, Jennifer Fugo, a classmate of mine from Marie Forleo’s B-School just published The Savvy Gluten-Free Shopper: How to Eat Healthy Without Breaking the Bank. I promised my Facebook friends to blog the posole recipe so here goes:

Rebecca’s 4-Pepper Posole

Quantities are estimated. I used mostly organic and have created hyperlinks to the brands that I used. Sauté these chopped ingredients in 3-4 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil on medium to low heat: ¼ cup white onion, two long celery stalks, 3 inches of the tail of a poblano pepper, one jalapeño pepper, ¼ red pepper (seeds removed from all), one chipotle pepper (chopped) in adobo sauce. Add one tablespoon of the adobo sauce and two big cloves of minced garlic. Add 2 teaspoons of kosher salt, grind pepper generously and add three light shakes of ground cumin. Stir and let sizzle. Chop a chicken breast into small squares or strips, keep the strips short if you choose that. Add to the sauté mixture and let the chicken cook a little in the spices and oil. Add another tablespoon or two of olive oil if you need it.

Dump one 14-oz can of chopped tomatoes into the pot. And a 32-oz carton of chicken broth. Add a 29-oz can of strained Mexican-style hominy. (Note: the chipotle and hominy links are for the visual. Try to find them at your grocer as amazon’s stated prices are too high.) Cover, raise the heat and bring to a gentle boil. Then reduce the heat and let simmer until chicken in fully cooked. Probably only 15-20 minutes more. It’s nice if the celery, for example, still has some “bite-back” and isn’t mushy. Serve with thinly sliced radishes, fresh cilantro, shredded white cabbage. Add these items to your taste in the bowl, then squeeze fresh lime on top. Corn tortillas or fresh tortilla chips on the side will determine whether you want to add more salt to the posole.

Make it vegan: substitute vegetable broth and sauté cubed extra firm tofu in 3 tablespoons of adobo sauce from the chipotle peppers.

Enjoy!

Remember: it’s your body. Love it wisely.

Un abrazo,

The Dabbler

Beauty inverted, leveled and carved from the same stone.

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

A photograph is not an opinion. Or is it?” –Susan Sontag

Tim Arroyo’s Metamorphosis: The Inner Beauty Project exhibit examines beauty from a linear perspective. It’s on display at ArtStreet at the University of Dayton, Ohio. According to the exhibit description, the show is based on “an observation of the unwillingness to be photographed and shedding one’s outer layer to reveal a beauty from within.” I’d venture to say it’s also an obsessive look at beauty from a man who loves women and wants them to see the equanimity, evenness and equality in their physical features through one photographic process. The equality is not to say they are all the same, because the women, obviously are different—ages, races and ethnicities. However, there’s a reverence in the simplicity. The fact is that this particular approach does not detect make up with the exception of a small amount of black eyeliner (which a few women opted to use). I’ve seen him experiment with this approach for the last two years or so. The pupils look dilated and there’s a graying of the features no matter the skin tone of the subject. This blurring of identity creates a dramatic tension. The viewer is immediately drawn to the eyes and story behind the portrait of each woman staring directly out, in essence, proclaiming the universality of her beauty. He elevates the idea of beauty with this focus on sight. There are stories I can invent just by looking at each woman.

I was asked to be a part of the project and agreed at first, but changed my mind when my grandmother passed away. I felt sad and vulnerable and didn’t want to be photographed as part of the exhibit. Why? Because the exposure, photographic and through the promise of an exhibit, created an emotional risk for me. And I didn’t want to be documented in such a raw way when I felt raw.

Vulnerability and Imperfection

That rawness and vulnerability is what’s explored in both of Brené Brown’s TED Talks on vulnerability and shame. As I recently told a colleague who had not heard of her research, you need to watch the videos, just from a human being perspective. You’re life will be expanded, better. Her class, The Gifts of Imperfection has generated a social media movement causing women to post “regular” photos of themselves with “I am imperfect and I am enough.” (As a side note, there’s also a powerful lesson in her talks about how women prevent men from being vulnerable. Recall if you’ve ever referred to a grown man as “being a baby” when he is ill. It’s that nurturing and wholehearted love that we all need.)

Seeing Tim’s work made me think of two expansive photography projects. The earlier, dates back to 1979 and is a follow-up project from the Museum of Modern Art in New York, titled: The Family of Woman, A Worldwide Photographic Perception of Female Life and Being. The other is, “Women” by Annie Leibovitz. I was blessed to see the latter in person at the Corcoran Gallery of Art in Washington, DC in 1999. Susan Sontag wrote the essay to accompany the Leibovitz exhibit:

Any large scale picturing of women belongs to the ongoing story of how women are perceived, and how they are invited to think of themselves.”

Reverence Reinvented

I’ve observed Tim Arroyo’s work for close to eight years. As a fellow photographer and a progressive woman, I’ve thought, “Man, this guy likes women. He likes women’s bodies. In all their shapes and forms. Everybody’s sexy.” He also has some rather bizarre shots of beautiful women, altered into what I would call Cyclops and other creatures from his imagination. I’ve been at exhibits and watched the reaction to some of his more unusual contortions of beauty. There’s a fascination by some viewers with the idea of how traditional beauty can be converted into something shocking that makes your head tilt sideways. Often, especially with his own eerie self-portraits, I have a tickling in my brain that reminds me of the work of Rene Magritte mixed with Picasso’s Cubist era and a big pot of Dali Surrealism.

And this has made me wonder, from a feminist perspective, is he objectifying women? Or am I being a prudish, despite all my proclamations of progressiveness? If you’ve read any earlier blog posts, you’ll notice that I’ve been a bit obsessive with Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map. Through that inverted approach to goal-setting, I’ve looked at core desired feelings to help guide how I want to feel every day. And I’ve asked, what’s wrong with a mother in her forties also wanting to look sexy? I was raised in a diverse neighborhood dominated by liberals and intellectuals. Many folks looked down upon physical beauty and fashion as superficial. I’ve learned since climbing out of poor health after childbirth, that self-care from the inside out generates love and beauty. Sontag writes, “But in real life it’s still common to begrudge a woman who has both beauty and intellectual brilliance…” I’ve embraced the fact that external beauty and creative fashion can further my own artistic expression.

What’s wrong then, with a photographer who obsesses over images of all sorts of women in different shapes and sizes, with and without tattoos, with big bellies and thighs, with natural hair and hair full of product? What’s wrong with his bowing down to the power of their beauty, sensuality and rawness in this Metamorphosis exhibit? I’ll tell what’s wrong with it: nothing. That’s what I found through years of watching Tim’s work. It’s his work. Folks seek him out to document their moments in time. Even as some of his images are not to my taste and make me uncomfortable, they have prompted me to think about beauty, women and art. I’ve also reflected upon the physical body and how it can be manipulated to form beautiful and ugly images depending upon one’s perspective. One of my favorite people in the world doing great things for the image of women’s bodies is Taryn Brumfitt from Australia. She has started the Body Image Movement and has rocked the world in terms of being happy with her current state of normalness. This comes from a former fashion model. She has made me rethink beauty and the physical and so has Tim.

Wild Wisdom and the Artful Arc of Aging

One other element that pleased me mightily about Metamorphosis, is that it shifts perceptions on aging. Sontag wrote, “…women are punished more than men are by the changes brought about by aging. Ideals of appearance such as youthfulness and slimness are in large part now created and enforced by photographic images.” Some of my favorite images in the show are of the women advanced in age. For more than a decade, I’ve had the privilege of working with women ten to forty years my senior, and they are some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. Like the great Dr. Maya Angelou wrote in her poem, Phenomenal Woman excerpted here:

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery,

When I try to show them

They say they still can’t see.

I say

It’s in the arch of my back

The sun of my smile

The ride of my breasts

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That’s me.

You can listen to Dr. Angelou recite the full poem here.

Story of Origin

As with many visual artists, Tim thrives on images, not words. I know this because he doesn’t talk that much. He has worked for years with maternity photography hashing out life before life comes. This stems from a man with a thriving family, who has also seen his share of loss. He is the father of two beautiful girls and married to a wildly feminist woman who doesn’t stop.

Tim has done some very interesting studies on smoke, nature and botany, which can also be very sensual, beautiful and ugly in an aesthetically pleasing way. (I’m a huge fan of object photography and fascinated by work like Irving Penn’s studies of trash on the sidewalk.) Some of my favorite works are Tim’s objects, particularly his portals series.

It’s clear that Tim has a number of talents as a professor and as a photographer. As any artist or entrepreneur knows, art and ideas can create conversation and controversy. That’s when we’ve done our job to make you think, feel and react. Seth Godin wrote a wonderfully short post this year about the humility of the artist. It may seem arrogant to say, “Perhaps this isn’t for you.” In actuality, he argues, it’s arrogant to think that your work could appeal to all. “Finding the humility to happily walk away from those that don’t get it unlocks our ability to do great work.” To connect with Tim Arroyo, check out his website or like him on Facebook.

Climbing Heart, A Love Letter to the Vulnerable

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

This is my love letter to you a day when your heart sits quivering on your sleeve glimpsing Polaroids past shoeboxes cut with kitchen knives a slit for secret admirers see-through envelopes taped with spit my note tells you a … Continue reading →

Wine, Women and Divine Noticing

Posted by rebeccainspiresnow

This red dress fits like a glove. And these shoes are so comfortable. I feel fantastic. I am in awe. It’s like I’m floating. Wait, guess what, there’s no red dress, no shoes–but there may be flying.

As I was just driving to the grocery store, I was figuring out how to understand my own spiritual transformation so that I could sit down and write to you about it.

I don’t know how to explain how good I feel, how in awe I am of what it’s been to let go and trust. I came up with the red dress analogy. You know when you are confident, in your zone, dressed to the nines, healthy and on your game? Or say you are about to step on the field or the court and everything flows. You are in perfect symmetry with your teammates. I feel that way in my spirit now.

For the purposes of this post, I may use the word God. You can substitute that with Spirit, Universe, Buddha, Yemaya, Penelope or Fred, whatever works for you.

I’ve been in a state of seeking that’s been confusing lately. I was raised [not strict] Catholic, studied Buddhism, was educated by Quakers, schooled by Jews and befriended by Muslims and Christians. It’s been stimulating, exciting and distracting.

Recently, I went to my first ever Georgetown University alumni event (was shocked to realize I’m nearing my 25^th reunion) called “Wine and Women, Reflections on Life and Faith.” I took the bus far north on a very dark and freezing Thursday night to listen to Jesuit Father Brian Paulson talk about faith. Father Paulson was forthcoming about his own fallibility as a human being. This made for a collective sigh of relief in the room. You could feel the overachievers (myself included) relax. His talk really hinged on the art of noticing. The main goal is to be in a divine state of noticing little things all of the time. That, in many ways, is prayer.

Here are a few highlights:

Take a question to the pool, the garden, the car, or in my case, the kitchen. We can be in conversation with God anywhere. Father Paulson, an avid swimmer, takes a question to the pool and converses with God lap after lap. I often feel that magic while cooking. Lots of folks do it while driving. He even urged people to just sit in the silence without music during a drive. Sometimes, though, music can lift you to a place of higher spirit whether it’s Israel and the New Breed, Pink, Grandmaster Flash or in my case on the bus ride home that evening, George Winston. I listened to his December album and remembered being eighteen years old at the Kennedy Center and sneaking back stage after the concert. Mr. Winston played for about twelve of us until almost 1:00am. The music brought me back to 1987. When a young woman was ready to invent a spy story to sneak back and be a little closer to a man whose music had brought her so much peace and solace. Revisiting that moment, while flying down Lake Shore on the the #147, brought me closer to God.

Work the Triangle. There are three places where we meet God: in written form (as a Catholic, I’m less familiar with the Bible than many other religions, he suggested spending time with the Psalms); in prayer (swimming, gardening, driving, etc.); and communal prayer. This is Church. Now as I indicated in an earlier blog post titled, Faith, Boredom and Desire, I’m not always the best at going to church. Last weekend, I thought of Father Brian and went by myself, late and hit it just in time for the homily when the priest basically gives a summary of what’s been read and links it to life, global and historical events. We happen to have a rockin’ cool and self-aware priest named Father Jerry Boland. He was connecting Harriet Tubman’s journey with the creation of the Underground Railroad and her signature lantern, to finding light on your journey. Luckily, I was sitting towards the back and for the rest of the mass where on and off, I felt overwrought with joy. I was crying quietly into my handkerchief (yes, I carry one) and was wondering why it smelled like soft pretzels. I realized there were so many salty tears pouring out of me. I wasn’t embarrassed, but I was confused. Was I crying because I was so happy or because I was lifting up premature baby Jaxon in prayer? Because I was remembering Jaxon’s grandmother and her prayer warriors who had prayed for my son through three operations when he was a toddler? Those women, whom I don’t know, held me up in their hands, hearts and souls. They prayed for guidance for the medical professionals helping my son. They prayed for my sanity. Or was it because I was carrying the joy of the sister of my heart who had lost so many loved ones that she is finding it hard to carry her own joy right now? I was keeping the joy for her, carrying it until she could open her eyes again and see the sun. Or was it the giant light burning inside of me that I felt worthy to carry every single day? A fellow parishioner came to see me while I was crying and I told her, “I’m okay, I’m just releasing.” And she understood. So work that triangle baby, in solitude, with written inspiration and in communion with others, in whatever way works for you.

Deal with your appetites. Catholics don’t have a monopoly on guilt, but we are so good at it. Father Brian talked about his love of golf. And how if he played golf as much as he wanted to, he would not do funerals and weddings and that would make him a bad priest. It seems obvious that I cannot stay home and paint, write and create all day…for now. I have to go to work, help at home, raise my child, nurture my marriage. I can however, still indulge in those appetites and being the boisterous, spontaneous and energetic person that I am…get this, I need to indulge in moderation. Extreme fun and extreme art can still be had. And I can still do the laundry, the dishes and pay the bills. The latter may not whet my appetites but they keep systems in place so that I can indulge in the appetites that I so enjoy.

Father Brian and the women with whom I spoke after the event, made me feel like I belonged to another tribe. Another circle to connect to my evolving venn diagram of relationships and support. I am so grateful to my alma mater for inviting me. And to spirit for plucking something in me to attend. Before I end this post, I want to thank you for reading, listening and responding. In the poem in the previous post, I wrote “your mind knows not\let your soul tell it so.” This poem came to me at the edge of sleep in the morning because I’ve been wrestling with understanding intellectually how I can feel so at peace. You, dear readers, have been a part of my spiritual transformation just by reading. It helps me to show up and unravel and figure things out. And also, to stop figuring things out in the mind, and let my soul tell me what’s what. Thank you!

There’s more to share my friends, but for now, I’m leaving you with those three ponderings. And wishing that you embrace the divine in yourself, find that place of quiet conversation, a community that embraces you and some words to wrap your soul in the light of that perfect moment. From my lit-up heart to yours, I send you love and moments of divine noticing.

With gratitude to artist Meriah Jacobs-Frost for the inspiring photo above where she wrote “No matter what you perceive as ‘god’, even if it’s ‘just’ that divine within you, I believe this so SO much. Let your light shine!”